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Not sure what to say…

Ever sit in front of the computer screen or blank page and think “what should I write? How do I start?” Well I’m definitely feeling a big sense of that right now. I just can’t think of what to say to whoever might stop on by and read this. I should be sleeping, but every time I try I think about this blog. So clearly I’m supposed to say something. It would just be nice to know what that something is…

As an English major, the teachers always told me to just write whatever. It didn’t matter what it was or how silly it sounded. Just start pushing those keys or that pencil to form some letters. Make those letters into words, and the words into sentences. Before you know it, you’ve written something you didn’t even know you had in you.

So that’s what I’m doing. I’m pushing the keys, not sure where this is headed (so if you’re lost it’s not your fault) and not sure why I have this sudden urge to update a blog that only a handful of people read. (Thank you to those faithful few!!!) Not even my parents read this. I told them about it, but they just nodded their heads and went back to watching tv. Heck, if all the posts were like this, I wouldn’t want to read the blog either.

I guess I’m just in that funky middle area of this transition. I’m still 28 days (well, 27 since it’s after midnight) away from my last Festival shift, 29 days away from my going away party, and a little over a month away from leaving De Pere. Time is getting ever shorter, and I find that much of the time I don’t know what to do with myself. Should I focus on working at Festival as much as possible in order to make more money for school? (I still have no idea how I’m going to pay for this) Do I hang out with one friend and risk insulting another? There seems to be too much time and not enough all at once. In the end I usually end up doing nothing of any importance because I’m so focussed on what I should do that I don’t actually get out there and do it.

So here I am, trying to change that. Instead of worrying about what I should  write about, I’m just writing. It may not be anything important, but at least people have something else to read. Well, a few people at least. I guess that’s what God’s trying to get through my thick skull with this. To stop worrying so much about the details and just get out there and do it. Whatever it may be.

Let me know if you feel the same way at times. Do you feel lost as to what you should be doing? How do you get out of the thinking and transition to the doing? What has God compelled you to do? What did it feel like when you finally managed to get it done?

Right now I’m feeling sleepy. I guess that’s my cue that I’ve done what I came here to do. Good night everyone! I hope to see you in the coming days, whether at church, at Festival, or somewhere else. God Bless!

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Comments on: "Not sure what to say…" (1)

  1. Carlyn Cooper said:

    Hi Paul, late in answering this one. I asked a friend who writes poetry and is so good with words, about what she does when the page is blank. She said she never knows what God is going to show her to write, and sometimes an idea just has to simmer. She said being tired doesn’t help either. Maybe when you get an idea in the middle of the night, (as sometimes the Holy Spirit leaves us with) you can jot it down and go with it at a later time. I know for myself, if I keep getting the idea, it is coming from God. Sometimes I act on it and at other times I fail miserably. God’s mercy is new each morning and we can start over with the next thing He gives us to do.
    Shalom
    Carlyn

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